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50 Poodie Randoms... By popular demand.. : )

25 from 2008 updated, and 25 recent

Won... watches Good Times & notices there's very little from Thelma's wardobe back then, that I wouldnt rock RIGHT.. thefock.. NOW. Bytch was FLY!

Too... wonders HOW.. oh HOW are there any NEW crackheads?? WHO, since like.. the 90s doesnt know the extreme #IllSuckYoDick-tific effects of it all by now?

Three... doesnt give a smelly underwater fock about #TigersWoods, but I wonder if he can still laugh at Dave Chappelle's Racial Draft after losing all his endorsements FOR REALY REELZ. *Sings NI-GGAZ, in the tune of a doorbell*

Foe... used to be SO AFRAID of the 'rapture' taking place and leaving my 8 year old ass behind that I would tearfully repent at least 60 times a day... and then repent for bothering pretty Fabio lookin' Jesus so much.. and then one mo gen for the Fabio joke.

Fy... thinks Jay-Z definitely lost the whole Ether battle.. but especially when he uttered "Memphis Bleek, we running this rap shyt" on the Takeover. Even Memph was like, "CMON SON! Now u KNO Im garbage Jay! Keep me OUT of this shyt!!" #true

Sicks... in 2009, I think the 'death angel' was DRUNK w/all the RANDOM deaths.. TRIPPIN.. like literally stumbling wrecklessly like "WOOPS, sorry bout that E Lynn Harris.."

Sem... eyerolls @ crybabies & whiners goin around 'TAKING' offense to shyt that no one was offering to u, plez STFU. Ur life is annoying. Take THAT instead.

Ate... was like WERD!??!?! when people were tweeting.. "RIP Taco Bell Dog, only 15 years old : (" UMM, THAT MEANS THAT NIGGA WAS 105 in DOG YEARS! Twas TIME! He QUIERO'd some cotdamn rest!

Nine... so when they played Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me" in the club, I scanned the room for the googly eyes & instantly felt like I could be saving $ on car insurance.

Tin... used to carry a maschette around with me in a holder on my back.. pulled it out from behind me all "Kill Billish" and mistakenly severed my dam ponytail CLEAN off. #GankstaMishaps

Alem... thinks the only way to take or steal anyone's mate is to KIDNAP them. Theres NO OTHER WAY unless they're mentally challenged or void of free will & the ability to decide.

Twelve... wants you to know that when ur DUMBASS attempts to construct a profound quote & put 'Unknown Author' just in case it doesnt 'go over'.. we all know it was you, doucheclot

Churteen... thinks Maxwell was @ my Grannys when he made the 'PRI-TEE WANGS' song. Apparently he didnt take notice of the pretty mashed potatoes & pretty collard greens tho.

FoeTeen... has never been cheated on.. they did it elsewhere, like the motel or his moms house, but never on me.

Fihteen... ain NEVA SKEDDD! {EAST SIDEEE!!}, but very easily startled.. like how Ive heard The Pharcyde's Passin' Me By a gazilliontrillionteen times, yet I am still startled by the ever amplified & monstrous BELCH @ the end. #AntoineDodsonShrug

Sicksteen... thinks its the cutest thing that my Grandma cant pronounced February fa SHYT!.. She says.. Fur-wer. #WIN!

Semteen... rates Mr. Marcus the KANG of porn.. I feel he should win like... a porn Emmy.. Call it the Yummy. [PS I wouldnt touch him in real life.. like NOT EVEN a handshake.. #LoveFromAFAR.. #AREALLYGOTDAMFar]

AteTeen... is like if u dont kno me from an ant's dikk, dont send me a message with ur phone number tambot 'lets meetup tonite' o.O SURE BUDDY! On ur block? At the corner of Stupid & Muhfukka right??

Nineteen... wonders when scientists/machinist are gonna actualize teleporting? I wanna be able to click the "Home" & "Esc" button on my keyboard and do just thefock that... with the Star Trek sound effect optional. #ImPicky

Twunny... saw the whole "This is ur brain on drugs" commercial a TAD differently.. It ran thru my mind more like.. This is butter... and this is an egg frying in butter.. any questions?? YES... Do u have wheat toast? #InnerRasputia

Twunny Won... also had a remixed thought to the "This is ur brain on drugs" commercial.. This is a 450 degree bubbling buttery grave.. This is a chicken embryo that we have slaughtered b4 ur eyes.. Any questions? #InnerFUKKINWeirdo

Twunny Too... has an inability to control my facial expressions, which in turn makes it dam near impossible for me to lie. Truthful by default. Dont bring ur ugly ass baby 'round me.

Twunny Three... walked in the bathroom on my Daddy when I was little. I swear to this day it looked like an ELEPHANT trunk was drinking from our toilet. I virgined a LONG time.

Twunny Foe... writes Dear White Man, What is it about sitting at a red light in ur NON-tinted windowed car that causes u 2 GO IN so VIGOROUSLY in ur nose like that?

Twunny Fy... remembers walking down 42nd street in NY, passed an alley like 'YO!!! Is that a FUKKIN PANTHER-RACCOON!?!?!?!" twas a regula ole NY sewer rat actually.

Random Poodie look #3080 called...Le Niggar Whaaat?!?!

Repost from February 9, 2009 : )

Uno: ...just realized that I could write a whole nother 25.. Im so extremely random on the daily.. lol

Dos: ...doesn't USE lotion, I employ it to combat exacerbations of ash from trying to wage war upon my dermal territory. Im kind of important..

Tres: ...is conducting trials for my new book "How to Kill Using Bare Hands & No Forensic Evidence", but volunteer participants are so hard to come by.

Cuatro: ...would like to give a shout out to all the internet Gansters doin TYPE-BYS, poppin CAPS LOCKS on these mark ass busters, merkin em with the exclamatory status messages. Reppin that NET-SIYEED!! Straight up HOOD B!

Cinco: ...saw a clip of last years BET Awards and concluded that Rick Ross *insert 'The Boss' beat* needs tha BIGGEST BRAS THAT I SEEN THUS FAR, ne-needs the biggest bras that Ive seen thus far.. Bras.. BrasBras A-Bras.. [2010 edit: *insert 'BMF' beat* He got some BIG TITS..[wooh!] DOLLY PARTON.. (comment based on the fact that he's an ASSHOLE in person, so yeah its ok.. I like his music tho lol)]

Seis: ...thinks that Valentine's themed gifts for men... is GAY AS FOCK! Heart boxers, animal thongs and Cupid ties should be banned by the Lord Geezuz Christ.

Siete: ...had once nominated Mark Morrison's Return of the Mack as thee worst dam song ever to get popular... and then came Laffy Taffy and all songs like it to come. Did I just hear 'Do the stankin leg??' For FUX SAKE! [2010 Edit: Insert ALL of radio.. topped with PRETTY BOY SWAG! smh!!!]

Ocho: ...defines a Bussit Baby as A: Pinata Instructions, B: A new pimple, and C: What ur momma said when she refused to let u borrow her car.

Nueve: ...is like WTF when dudes argue loudly about who the best rapper/ballplayer/celebrity is... It amazes me to hear such passionate rants aboard The Nutsack Express of another man. Oh so ready to damn near fist fight to argue and quote credentials/resumes/bank amounts, as if he's payin AYAN one of their bills.. They have the dudes pubic hair DOUBLE KNOTTED around their arms, full body embrace.. face smellin like testes... ugh. Get a fukkin identity!

Diez: ...is literally convinced, that my son is the best child EVER BORN.. Sue me.

Once: ...wonders how many of yall don't know that the number of this random says 'on-say' and not once.

Doce: ...at a very young age, had fantasies about killing people, many many times a day. I had no idea this was not normal.

Trece: ...doesn't like that Herpes and Heroes are spelled so closely alike. One time I texted 'Dam... all my herpes are dyin...'... and that was NO FUN!

Catorce: ... could be carjacked with a peice of wet bread.... Im THAT afraid of it... but please don't get shot trying to test that theory. I won't be responsible.

Quince: ...doesn't like other peoples children.. unless I love the parent and the kid is cute. Ugly kids are the WORST! I get mad when they smile. I can speak on ugly kids, becuz I was one.

Diez Y Seis: ... doesn't think anyone with racists views should apologize. If ur bold enough to express them publically or let them slip, stand by them.. Ur apology pacifies who? They are STILL goin to brand you. I respect people who are able to speak the truth about what they truly feel.

Diez Y Siete: ...wishes that people who rally against other peoples views, practices, lyrics, published writings or outburst would have their own views and stop giving a fuck about what others are doing/saying. They should stop allowing TV and radio to raise their kids, lead by example and make a difference IN THEIR life or commit mass suicide and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Diez Y Ocho: ...knows that Barack Obama is not going to save all 'niggas', and as soon as he doesnt... 'niggas' will turn on him. They aint ready.[2010 edit.. SEEN!!]

Diez Y Nueve: ...creates my own destiny... politics NEVER matter.

Viente: ...loves to hear Hispanics pronouce Bs as Vs. like.. a devit card.. awww.

Viente Y Uno: ...is planning to enroll into another course everytime my student loans become due. Defer til I DIE BEOCH!

Viente Y Dos: ...knows OH SO MANY smart as fock, super intelligent DUMB ASSES.

Viente Y Tres: ...loves and appreciates the AESTHETIC [art-like] value of a womans body, and some may think Im gay when I express such... but thats just my free-spirit.. becuz nothing.. and I mean NO THING about a woman gives me a desire to lick a vagina.

Viente Y Cuatro: ...thinks that u die or not based on your will to live at the time of ur would be demise. Death is a choice.

Viente Y Cinco: ...has many never-ending love affairs with food, friends like you, music, style and thunderstorms.

Finito

Poodie... Poodie Kinte!

Poodie's TRUE HIP HOP STORY!!

Please check out my girl Tsunami and her incredible photography and interviewing skill as she featured YA GURRRLL on her website Dark Orange Magazine.

I began my feature mid April, so after May there will be another wonderful cover story when u go to darkorangemagazine.com. But after reading, click HERE to get to Poodie's : ).. ALSO, click on the names to see features on MY GIRLS Adrift Da Belle, StaHHr Impress, Rita J, Boog Brown & even Tsunami!!

Bless and enjoy,


Poodie Got Dammit

Poodie Directs Videos SON!!

Ok... so I had a million dollar budget [ ] to make a video for Aint Buyin No Dranks [Shawty Stingy] by Ness Lee, but I had bills so here's what I did with the rest of the doe. LOL! Tis the first and only video Ive ever made... so I KNOW its not the best... but I'll get better lol....

Enjoy!!

No matter what.. the song is hilarious lol!!!

[Allow time for it to load if all u see is blank space right now lol]



Comment... I can take it LOL!!!!

10 Random Poodie Facts

More Old Blogs - January 15, 2008

Poodie's 10 randoms

1) At a very young age, I had fantasies about killing people with acts of bionic strength, many many times a day. I had no idea this was not normal. I actually thought my Dad [the DJ] was a superhero, so I refrained from killing my foes so that his identity would stay protected.

2) Im writing a book called "How to Kill Using Bare Hands and No Forensic Evidence" .. just a few more trials to go!!

3) I don't like that Herpes and Heroes are spelled so closely alike. One time I texted 'Dam... all my herpes are dyin...'... and that was NO FUN!

4) U could carjack me with a peice of wet bread.... Im THAT afraid of it... but u may get shot first.

5) I dont like other peoples children.. unless they are cute. Ugly kids are the WORST! I get mad when they smile. I can speak on ugly kids, becuz i was one.

6) I don't think anyone with racists views should apologize... If ur bold enough to express them publically or let them slip, stand by them.. Ur apology pacifies who? They are STILL goin to brand you. I respect people who are able to speak the truth about what they feel. Cuz Ill be damned if I watch my tongue for anyone.

7) I think people who rally against other peoples views, practices, lyrics, published writings or outburst are a bunch of stupid whiny losers. Stop taking shyt personal. Have ur own views of urself and stop giving a fuck about wtf other people are doing/saying. Stop letting TV and radio raise ur kids, lead by example and make a difference IN YOUR life or SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

8) Barack Obama is not going to save all 'niggas', and as soon as he doesnt... 'niggas' will turn on him. Educate and liberate URSELF and stop waiting... No matter who wins... the same principles and people will run this greedy power trippin country.. I create my destiny... politics don't matter.

9) I think that if u LOSE significant breast mass after breast feeding.. optional implant surgery should be covered by insurance as reconstructive and not cosmetic, unless ur requesting bigger than they were before. Men, imagine losing 4 inches of ur 7 inch penis just cuz u had a baby...

10) I am mastering the art of not givin a fuck SO WELL... that Im not even gonna finish this sente.................

Porno Scorno - Old blog : )

I have found some gems on my old ass AOL blog... remembering this even made me lol...

Monday, December 6, 2004

6:52:15 PM EST

Ok, so I'm ova my gurl Lisa's house, its me and a couple other friends. We are bored and *OUT POPS* a porno from the the magical land of AintShytELSEtaDo. Been there?? So we say... "Ahhh, what the hell.. put it on for the music..." lol Honestly, I loveth porn... to me its OH SO entertaining.. but the educational value is unmatched lol...

In-tee-WHO... Its a "triple freaks" dvd and upon viewing... I notice during the action that uhhmmm... there's no good way to get double "done"! At least not on film... Firstly, I find nothing enticing about this particular activity and I suppose that the "DAYUM BYTCH!" factor is what they are tryin to achieve. But if ur gonna be in that industry and make them dollaz, I guess its whateva floats ya butthole! lol

Anyhow, I'm lookin and as the 2 men are goin at the sluthole, one poor man is being deprived. I mean, he's in, but thats about it! And this is a whole dvd full of these scenarios wit diff'rent profeshunal hoez & all! lol No matter which way they flip the beoch, both men are never simultaneously &/or successfully frictioning! So where lies the point?? I enjoy a good porno every now and...ok frequently, but this was just awkward to watch. All parties involved looked uncomfortable, barely hidden by horribly bad acting. I was dyin at how a beoch had to pretend "OUCH" was a moan.. so it came out like.. "OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUch, o yea-OUUUU...yessss-OWWWWW" !!!

At one point, 3 prhoez (profeshunal hoez, tee hee) had managed to get an ounce of flow goin due to excess lube, then I realized that they had edited that one part to play over again. They aint slick! The dudes are like, tryin not to touch each other... The beoch is tryin not to RELEASE FECES and look like she's luvin it... and all I can think of is hmm, I wonder if these dudez feel each othaz wee-wees rubbin inside? YELCK!

Anyhow, thaz my freaky thought of the day!

WHY THE EFF is my name POODIE!?!?!? Lets discuss SHALL WE!?!?

Ok.. so Ive been frolicking along my merry way in life... and more than EVER it seems that the issue of 'Why come ya name is Poodie for!?!' is coming up A LOT..

So I presume its blog time.. time to get it out there... and let chall kno what the byzness is... cuz thats what I do..

AHEM...



First of all Id like to say EFF a nickname like Sexual Choklit Brown Suga Dreamie Cakes or Stran-jhzay... or some cute shyt like Mysterii or Bles-sed B. & shyt.. by the end of this blog.. yall gonna understand.. Im POODIE and thats wtf its gon' stay... Get over it... please and thaaannnnxxx..

Origin of Poodie:

A. An old foreign man that was my neighbor used to call me pretty... but his accent was funny and it sounded like Poodie... It stuck. The End.

OR

B. My cousin ChaChi pulled the name out of her azz and gave it to me cuz I had lots of gas way back then. It stuck. The end.

Pick whichever story makes u happy. and then move on mmkay?? Thannnxxxx.


Why it stuck:

I know how it feels to be a dynamic person, full of life, laughter, the desire to love people and make them smile BUT be totally igged because I wasnt popular in the looks dept... It sucked and it was hard to understand, so I was a FOOL at home, or around my close friends only [closet clown].. felt I had to be quiet and unnoticed otherwise for the sake of being teased and having to crack a muthafukkin head open wit a brick everyday... I mean.. Im skinny.. I use bricks. Im allowed..

Fast forward into certified womanhood, I kno fa SHO Im the shyt... jus becuz I kno who I am and I love every ounce of me
[all 6 ounces!]

.. I am FREE to be just who the hell I am in front of whoever the hell...

But folk got it all twisted... NOW that Ive matured in the look area and got some dam lip gloss poppin, NOW u wanna notice I have a personality!?!? That shyt is funny to me.. its not a triumph.. I didnt give me any genetics so I dont take credit for whateva about me u might now find appealing... Never have I contemplated taking my azz to Jenny Jones like 'look at me now!!'.. thats the opposite of the point.. FUKK LOOKS! U couldve loved me BACK THEN... Now just teach ur kids wtf is important about people.. U missed a good friend, I was the shyt back then too... Just lacked the esteem to be the shyt in front of u and ur shallow judgements...

So all that was said to say:

- YES, I am aware that Poodie rhymes with Doodie... and Im the shyt.. so yeah.. it fits.

- YES, Ive seen the movie Pootie Tang, I don't speak his language, and we're not related...


- YES, I have a friend with a DOG named Poodie... he didnt kno me when he named it

- YES, there was a dude named Poodie on a reality series I think.. no relation to him either...


- NO, I dont have any issues with gas...
[excuse me]

- NO, its not a pet name for my glorious vagina

- YES, Im aware that its one letter swap away from Pookie the notorious crackhead [Crackheads are fun!!]


- YES, I understand that it sounds kinda ugly and has comedic value....

and thats why it sticks...

Imma be Poodie.. with pride... u can hear my name.. never see my pic or even SEE it and think ugly.. or flatulent... or even sexually vulgar..



and Ill continue my QUEEN WhoGivzAFUK status and still remain me.. and if u ever take the time.. ull get to kno the coolest dam Poodie ull EVA meet... I'll be some ugly sounding shyt [except a BUSSIT BABY, that has Poodie beat by a long shot lol].. just to spite ur prejudice...

I MAKE the name COOL cuz Imma COLLDDD Em EFFA to be... ICE COLD!!! EFF glamour! EFF all the booozhwah super artsy creative names that u think I should 'go with'.. and ESPECIALLY EFF yo couch too!

Im Poodie bytches! The Byz Beauti....

[Byz Kinda Funny-Looking was too long]


Love it or kick rocks.





The End.