Won... watches Good Times & notices there's very little from Thelma's wardobe back then, that I wouldnt rock RIGHT.. thefock.. NOW. Bytch was FLY!
Too... wonders HOW.. oh HOW are there any NEW crackheads?? WHO, since like.. the 90s doesnt know the extreme #IllSuckYoDick-tific effects of it all by now?
Three... doesnt give a smelly underwater fock about #TigersWoods, but I wonder if he can still laugh at Dave Chappelle's Racial Draft after losing all his endorsements FOR REALY REELZ. *Sings NI-GGAZ, in the tune of a doorbell*
Foe... used to be SO AFRAID of the 'rapture' taking place and leaving my 8 year old ass behind that I would tearfully repent at least 60 times a day... and then repent for bothering pretty Fabio lookin' Jesus so much.. and then one mo gen for the Fabio joke.
Fy... thinks Jay-Z definitely lost the whole Ether battle.. but especially when he uttered "Memphis Bleek, we running this rap shyt" on the Takeover. Even Memph was like, "CMON SON! Now u KNO Im garbage Jay! Keep me OUT of this shyt!!" #true
Sicks... in 2009, I think the 'death angel' was DRUNK w/all the RANDOM deaths.. TRIPPIN.. like literally stumbling wrecklessly like "WOOPS, sorry bout that E Lynn Harris.."
Sem... eyerolls @ crybabies & whiners goin around 'TAKING' offense to shyt that no one was offering to u, plez STFU. Ur life is annoying. Take THAT instead.
Ate... was like WERD!??!?! when people were tweeting.. "RIP Taco Bell Dog, only 15 years old : (" UMM, THAT MEANS THAT NIGGA WAS 105 in DOG YEARS! Twas TIME! He QUIERO'd some cotdamn rest!
Nine... so when they played Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me" in the club, I scanned the room for the googly eyes & instantly felt like I could be saving $ on car insurance.
Tin... used to carry a maschette around with me in a holder on my back.. pulled it out from behind me all "Kill Billish" and mistakenly severed my dam ponytail CLEAN off. #GankstaMishaps
Alem... thinks the only way to take or steal anyone's mate is to KIDNAP them. Theres NO OTHER WAY unless they're mentally challenged or void of free will & the ability to decide.
Twelve... wants you to know that when ur DUMBASS attempts to construct a profound quote & put 'Unknown Author' just in case it doesnt 'go over'.. we all know it was you, doucheclot
Churteen... thinks Maxwell was @ my Grannys when he made the 'PRI-TEE WANGS' song. Apparently he didnt take notice of the pretty mashed potatoes & pretty collard greens tho.
FoeTeen... has never been cheated on.. they did it elsewhere, like the motel or his moms house, but never on me.
Fihteen... ain NEVA SKEDDD! {EAST SIDEEE!!}, but very easily startled.. like how Ive heard The Pharcyde's Passin' Me By a gazilliontrillionteen times, yet I am still startled by the ever amplified & monstrous BELCH @ the end. #AntoineDodsonShrug
Sicksteen... thinks its the cutest thing that my Grandma cant pronounced February fa SHYT!.. She says.. Fur-wer. #WIN!
Semteen... rates Mr. Marcus the KANG of porn.. I feel he should win like... a porn Emmy.. Call it the Yummy. [PS I wouldnt touch him in real life.. like NOT EVEN a handshake.. #LoveFromAFAR.. #AREALLYGOTDAMFar]
AteTeen... is like if u dont kno me from an ant's dikk, dont send me a message with ur phone number tambot 'lets meetup tonite' o.O SURE BUDDY! On ur block? At the corner of Stupid & Muhfukka right??
Nineteen... wonders when scientists/machinist are gonna actualize teleporting? I wanna be able to click the "Home" & "Esc" button on my keyboard and do just thefock that... with the Star Trek sound effect optional. #ImPicky
Twunny... saw the whole "This is ur brain on drugs" commercial a TAD differently.. It ran thru my mind more like.. This is butter... and this is an egg frying in butter.. any questions?? YES... Do u have wheat toast? #InnerRasputia
Twunny Won... also had a remixed thought to the "This is ur brain on drugs" commercial.. This is a 450 degree bubbling buttery grave.. This is a chicken embryo that we have slaughtered b4 ur eyes.. Any questions? #InnerFUKKINWeirdo
Twunny Too... has an inability to control my facial expressions, which in turn makes it dam near impossible for me to lie. Truthful by default. Dont bring ur ugly ass baby 'round me.
Twunny Three... walked in the bathroom on my Daddy when I was little. I swear to this day it looked like an ELEPHANT trunk was drinking from our toilet. I virgined a LONG time.
Twunny Foe... writes Dear White Man, What is it about sitting at a red light in ur NON-tinted windowed car that causes u 2 GO IN so VIGOROUSLY in ur nose like that?
Twunny Fy... remembers walking down 42nd street in NY, passed an alley like 'YO!!! Is that a FUKKIN PANTHER-RACCOON!?!?!?!" twas a regula ole NY sewer rat actually.
Repost from February 9, 2009 : )
Uno: ...just realized that I could write a whole nother 25.. Im so extremely random on the daily.. lol
Dos: ...doesn't USE lotion, I employ it to combat exacerbations of ash from trying to wage war upon my dermal territory. Im kind of important..
Tres: ...is conducting trials for my new book "How to Kill Using Bare Hands & No Forensic Evidence", but volunteer participants are so hard to come by.
Cuatro: ...would like to give a shout out to all the internet Gansters doin TYPE-BYS, poppin CAPS LOCKS on these mark ass busters, merkin em with the exclamatory status messages. Reppin that NET-SIYEED!! Straight up HOOD B!
Cinco: ...saw a clip of last years BET Awards and concluded that Rick Ross *insert 'The Boss' beat* needs tha BIGGEST BRAS THAT I SEEN THUS FAR, ne-needs the biggest bras that Ive seen thus far.. Bras.. BrasBras A-Bras.. [2010 edit: *insert 'BMF' beat* He got some BIG TITS..[wooh!] DOLLY PARTON.. (comment based on the fact that he's an ASSHOLE in person, so yeah its ok.. I like his music tho lol)]
Seis: ...thinks that Valentine's themed gifts for men... is GAY AS FOCK! Heart boxers, animal thongs and Cupid ties should be banned by the Lord Geezuz Christ.
Siete: ...had once nominated Mark Morrison's Return of the Mack as thee worst dam song ever to get popular... and then came Laffy Taffy and all songs like it to come. Did I just hear 'Do the stankin leg??' For FUX SAKE! [2010 Edit: Insert ALL of radio.. topped with PRETTY BOY SWAG! smh!!!]
Ocho: ...defines a Bussit Baby as A: Pinata Instructions, B: A new pimple, and C: What ur momma said when she refused to let u borrow her car.
Nueve: ...is like WTF when dudes argue loudly about who the best rapper/ballplayer/celebrity is... It amazes me to hear such passionate rants aboard The Nutsack Express of another man. Oh so ready to damn near fist fight to argue and quote credentials/resumes/bank amounts, as if he's payin AYAN one of their bills.. They have the dudes pubic hair DOUBLE KNOTTED around their arms, full body embrace.. face smellin like testes... ugh. Get a fukkin identity!
Diez: ...is literally convinced, that my son is the best child EVER BORN.. Sue me.
Once: ...wonders how many of yall don't know that the number of this random says 'on-say' and not once.
Doce: ...at a very young age, had fantasies about killing people, many many times a day. I had no idea this was not normal.
Trece: ...doesn't like that Herpes and Heroes are spelled so closely alike. One time I texted 'Dam... all my herpes are dyin...'... and that was NO FUN!
Catorce: ... could be carjacked with a peice of wet bread.... Im THAT afraid of it... but please don't get shot trying to test that theory. I won't be responsible.
Quince: ...doesn't like other peoples children.. unless I love the parent and the kid is cute. Ugly kids are the WORST! I get mad when they smile. I can speak on ugly kids, becuz I was one.
Diez Y Seis: ... doesn't think anyone with racists views should apologize. If ur bold enough to express them publically or let them slip, stand by them.. Ur apology pacifies who? They are STILL goin to brand you. I respect people who are able to speak the truth about what they truly feel.
Diez Y Siete: ...wishes that people who rally against other peoples views, practices, lyrics, published writings or outburst would have their own views and stop giving a fuck about what others are doing/saying. They should stop allowing TV and radio to raise their kids, lead by example and make a difference IN THEIR life or commit mass suicide and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Diez Y Ocho: ...knows that Barack Obama is not going to save all 'niggas', and as soon as he doesnt... 'niggas' will turn on him. They aint ready.[2010 edit.. SEEN!!]
Diez Y Nueve: ...creates my own destiny... politics NEVER matter.
Viente: ...loves to hear Hispanics pronouce Bs as Vs. like.. a devit card.. awww.
Viente Y Uno: ...is planning to enroll into another course everytime my student loans become due. Defer til I DIE BEOCH!
Viente Y Dos: ...knows OH SO MANY smart as fock, super intelligent DUMB ASSES.
Viente Y Tres: ...loves and appreciates the AESTHETIC [art-like] value of a womans body, and some may think Im gay when I express such... but thats just my free-spirit.. becuz nothing.. and I mean NO THING about a woman gives me a desire to lick a vagina.
Viente Y Cuatro: ...thinks that u die or not based on your will to live at the time of ur would be demise. Death is a choice.
Viente Y Cinco: ...has many never-ending love affairs with food, friends like you, music, style and thunderstorms.
Finito
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